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Marriage Rituals - Tamil

The Tamilian community is fairly large and Tamilian weddings are usually well attended by close as well as distant relatives. The Tamilians believe in simple living, hence their weddings are not necessarily extravagant affairs. A large wedding hall is booked for the occasion and decorated with flowers and lights. The date for the wedding is fixed after consulting the Hindu calendar. As per the Tamil calendar the months of Aashad (July 15th to August 15th), Bhadrapad (September 15th to October 15th) and Shunya (December 15th to January 15th) are considered inauspicious for weddings and hence, Tamilian weddings are not held in these months.

There are a number of communities in Tamil Nadu. However, in case of every community, a Brahmin priest called upon to preside over the wedding rituals. Though there are variations in the rituals followed by different communities, the basic guidelines remain the same. Generally Tamilians conduct marriages in public halls especially constructed for the purpose. As per the Hindu calendar, barring the months of Aashad, Bhadrapad, Shunya, all other months are considered to be auspicious for marriage, as with most other Hindu weddings. Tuesdays and Saturdays are not auspicious for weddings and so are Rahu Kaalam and Yama Kandam. So the wedding time is fixed accordingly. The bride's birth star is used to fix the most appropriate date and time for the wedding.

Selecting a Match

The parents exchange horoscopes of the boy and girl to consult astrologers about their match. They are compared in various regards. Some of the major ones are: The horoscopes are compared to see in how many of the ten aspects laid down they suit each other. The major aspects are suitability regarding the day, asterism, the ganam and yoni. The horoscopes are also subjected to six additional suitability tests: - Rasipporutham, Rasi Adipathipporutham, Vasyapporutham, Rajjupporutham, Vedaipporutham, Nadipporutham. Among these and certain other suitability tests, if the horoscopes match on certain important and basic aspects, then the marriage is permitted. Once this is done, the two parties negotiate the terms of the marriage like what each side should give to the other side by way of gifts of cash, silver, utensils, jewellery, etc.

Wedding Attire

For the Bride

In a wedding in Tamil Nadu the bride wears a red or maroon nine yard sari symbolizing energy, passion and fertility. She adorns her hair with fresh orange and white flowers. The bride usually wears some or all the jewels given to her by her parents and specifically those gifted by the groom's family. Some of the jewellery that is no longer worn normally like a Chutti, Raakudi (worn in the hair) and the Oddiannam (the belt) are sometimes hired for the occasion.

For the Groom

The groom wears a white dhoti embellished with zari borders. He drapes a silken stole, angavastram on his shoulders.

Pre-Wedding Rituals

Drawing up the Marriage Agreement

Once the match is finalized, a private function is held to draw up the marriage agreement. On an auspicious day priests from either side meet in the groom's house and the two parties exchange the marriage agreement. The agreement is placed on a plate along with bananas, coconuts and betel leaf. The terms of the marriage too are announced by the parties and accepted. Usually, the girl is presented with a silk sari by the groom's family and the bride's family presents groom clothes or cash in lieu.

Paalikali Thalippu/ Karappu

This ceremony is performed by the bride's family a couple of days preceding the wedding. To the accompaniment of songs and music (Gauri Kalyanam), special clay pots are decorated with sandalwood paste and kumkum powder. A little curd is placed in each pot and nine types of grains (nava dhaanyam) are sprinkled in these pots and watered by five or seven married ladies from both sides. These ladies are given gifts. After the wedding, on the next day, these pots are thrown into a nearby pond or water tank by the bride and groom. By this time, the grains have sprouted. It is believed that the fish in the water will eat the sprouted grains and then bless the bride and the groom.

Sumangali Prarthanai

There is a belief among the Hindus that is auspicious if a wife dies before her husband. Such women are called sumangalis. Both the families pray to the souls of sumangalis to ensure that the bride also has the good fortune to be called away while her husband is yet alive. The ceremony is held before the wedding at the bride's place and after the wedding at the groom's. It basically included inviting a number of married women to a feast and gifting them with presents usually saris.

Kalyanaponnu/Kalyanappillai

This is a bathing ritual, a small private function. It is performed separately in the bride's and the groom's house by their respective parents, usually on the Friday preceding the wedding. A 'peedi' or wooden seat is placed in front of a kolam. The girl is given an oil bath with til sesame oil. She is gifted a green sari. After her bath she wears that and green and red bangles. The bride's mother gives her the entire trousseau. After this ritual the girl is confined to the house till her marriage. In the groom's house the father pours oil on the groom's head and gifts him clothes and toiletries. The boy too is then confined till marriage.

Receiving the Groom and Family

The arrangements for the marriage celebrations are made by the bride's family. The groom's party arrives the day before the marriage. Amidst loud sounds of Nadaswaram (music), the groom's party is ushered in with a tray containing offerings of flowers, paan supari, fruits and mishri (sugar nuggets).

The bridegroom himself is welcomed by sprinkling rose-water. The bride's brother applies a tilak of sandalwood paste and kumkum on his forehead and garlands him with flowers. The bride's mother welcomes the groom by feeding him mava (a sweetmeat made of thick condensed milk) from a new vessel and garlanding him. The groom's mother distributes the mava among the relatives. Older married ladies perform an arti. The bridegroom's procession is then escorted to the rooms they will occupy till the marriage ceremony is over. In a room, with the exception of jewellery, the bride's parents keep all the gifts given to the bride. The bride's family hands over the keys of the room to the groom's family.

Viratham

A ceremony is performed to ensure that the marriage takes place without any hitches/problems. Traditional Vedic hymns are recited by the parents of both, the bride and the groom, officiated by a priest (Vaadyar) asking for blessings of the family deity and all their ancestors so that the marriage takes place peacefully and correctly, without any hitches.

Naandi Shraartham

As a symbol of the souls of the ancestors of both sides, eight or ten Brahmins are invited. The two families seek their blessings and honour them with gifts of paan-supari, fruits, flowers, coconuts, sweets and dhoti-angavastram (clothes).

Janavasanam

The bridegroom's party goes to a nearby temple in the evening. The bride's party reaches there carrying 5 varieties of sweets/namkeens and clothes for the groom. One of the sweets must be the traditional conical sweet Parupputenga. After giving the gifts, the marriage party is brought to the bride's home for the engagement ceremony.

Nicchiyadharatham

With the parents of the bride, the priest performs Ganesh Pooja. The bride is asked to come out and sit in the venue. The groom's party gives the bride a new sari. Then the bride is seated and a tilak of chandan and kumkum is applied to her forehead. The pallav of her sari is filled with fruits, paan supari, turmeric, kumkum, coconut and flowers and tied around her waist. An arti is performed for her.

Mangalasnanam

Early in the morning of the wedding day, an auspicious hour (muhurtam) is chosen for a ceremonial bath for the bride and the groom. The bride and groom sit on low wooden stools around rangolis. The bride and the groom sit separately between their respective parents. The bride and the groom are anointed with turmeric, kumkum and oil. The ladies perform arti. The bride's mother gifts a 9 yard maroon sari to the bride and a dhoti to the groom both to be worn for the actual wedding ceremony. Then the bride and the groom go to their respective homes to bathe and dress.

Gauripooja

After bathing and dressing up, the bride prays privately to Gauriamma.

Kashi Yatra

This is a playful ritual with the groom pretending to get angry and threatening to go to Kashi on a pilgrimage. He carries a walking stick, an umbrella, a fan, a coconut, a small packet of rice and dal, and a dhoti. The bride's parents plead symbolically, with the groom to come back to their daughter who is praying for him. The bride's brother woos him back offering his sister's hand in marriage. The groom is then escorted back by the bride's brother shading him with the umbrella.

Padapooja

On his return the groom is seated and the mother of the bride washes his feet in water, chandan and kumkum in a brass vessel. She then calls the bride who is brought in by her maternal uncle.

Exchange of Garlands

The bride and the groom exchange garlands three times. This ceremony is also associated with lighter moments when the bride is teasingly pulled away as the boy reaches out to garland the girl.

Oonjal

The bride and the groom are then made to sit side by side on a swing. Small balls of cooked rice coloured yellow and red with turmeric and kumkum are lightly dipped in milk, which is sprinkled on the bride and groom's feet. Married ladies, from the bride's circumambulate the rice balls around the bride and the groom thrice in clockwise and anticlockwise direction and then throw them in all four directions to prevent evil forces from creating any hitches. A mixture of milk and banana is given to the bride and the groom. The older women holding alternately, a lamp and a water urn, circumambulate the couple. This is done three or four times. Amidst all this, Oonjal Pattu songs specially worded for this occasion are sung.

Muhurtam

The auspicious hour (muhurtam) for most weddings is in the mornings. For conducting the actual marriage ceremony, there is a mandapam with a sacred fire. The mandapam is decorated with kolam and flowers. Also there are containers with different varieties of sweets and savouries. The father of the bride welcomes the groom and washes his feet. The groom's family presents the bride with the wedding 9-yard sari, which his sister helps her wear.

Kanyadaanam

The girl's father is made to sit on a sack of paddy, and the girl is seated on his lap. The paddy symbolizes material and spiritual plentitude in the marriage. Then the yoke of a plough is touched to the bride's forehead. This symbolizes that just as two bullocks are required to carry the plough and work and till the fields, so also will she and her husband remain side by side to go through life.
iii. The bride's father gives away the bride to the groom. The priest performs the havan and the paanigrahan whereby the boy accepts the girl for time and promises to look after her.

Mangalyadaranum

The thali (mangalsutra) consists of two pieces, one from each family, traditionally dangling on a yellow thread. It contains images of either the Shiva Lingam (in the case of Iyers) or the Namam and Sudarshana Chakra (in the case of Iyengars). The elders bless the thali and hand it over to the groom. The groom ties the first two knots of the mangalsutra around the bride's neck (while she is sitting on her father's lap). The groom's sister ties the third knot and in return gets a gift from the groom's parents.

Going Around the Sacred Fire - Saptapadi

(AS PER THE HINDU MARRIAGE ACT IN THE CONSTITUTION OF INDIA, THE MARRIAGE IS NOT LEGAL UNLESS THR SAPTAPATHI IS COMPLETED AND IT CANNOT STAND IN THE COURT OF LAW.)

Saptapadi constitutes the chief element of the marriage. The groom holds the bride's right hand with his right, and they go around the sacred fire seven times. The bridegroom takes hold of the right foot of the bride and makes her take seven consecutive steps where the bride touches her feet to a grinding stone (ammi). This symbolizes that their union be as stoic, solid and steadfast as stone.

While taking each step, he has to recite a Vedic verse (mantra):
Mantra for the First Step - " let Vishnu follow thee in the first step for plenty in food".
Mantra for the second step - "let Vishnu follow thee in the second step for strength."
Mantra for the third step - "let Vishnu follow thee in the third step for religious vow".
Mantra for the fourth step - "let Vishnu follow thee in the fourth step for the attainment for happiness".
Mantra for the Fifth Step - "let Vishnu follow thee in the fifth step for cattle welfare",
Mantra for the Sixth Step - "let Vishnu follow thee in the sixth step for good seasons."
Mantra for the Seventh Step - "let Vishnu follow thee in the seventh step for observance of the Somayaga and other sacrifices".
The rest of the round is completed normally.
This completes the marriage ceremony.

Ammi Midithal

Then the bride is taken to the north side of the sacred fire and is asked to put her right foot on the ammi. Keeping her foot on the ammi, the groom holds her right toe and puts toe rings. There is an arti and everyone showers rice and flowers on the couple. The bride and the groom seek blessings from the elders present. Then the couple drinks Panaham, a traditional beverage made with jaggery, cardamom and black pepper in water. A beverage is also offered to all present.

Post-Wedding Rituals

Lunch

The bride's parents offer a feast to the guests.

Grihapravesh

Nowadays a part of the ceremony is held at the marriage hall, in the rooms allocated to the groom's family. The groom's family holds a ceremony similar to the Oonjal to ward of evil spirits. When the bride enters the actual residence of the groom the following ceremony takes place. The bridal party with the newly wed couple enters what is symbolically the groom's home. A rice measure full of rice is kept at the entrance. While entering the house, the bride kicks the rice measure with the right foot to sprinkle the grain into the house. This is a symbol of the abundance and prosperity that she would bring into her new house. Then the groom invites the ladies of the house to see the bride and then wish and bless her. In the groom's house milk and bananas are served to the bridal party as prasadam. Grooms parents give gifts to all accompanying the girl.

Vilayaadal (nalangu)

The bride and the groom are seated together in the groom's (actual or symbolic) house. The groom's sister gives gifts to the bride. Then games are played like who finds the ring first in a pot of water.

Reception

On the evening of the wedding day, a reception is held. Friends, colleagues and relatives are invited for dinner and it is a social function with no rituals. Usually the function is organized and paid for by the groom's family. However, sometimes, it is done by the bride's family. Generally a music concert (classical) is arranged.

Bridal night (Shanthi muhurtham)

Usually the wedding halls have a predesignated room, which is specially decorated for the couple to spend the wedding night. Some may prefer going to a hotel or sometimes the groom's house. The mother of the bride gives gifts to the bride and the groom. She also gives a small idol of Krishna (Krishna Vigraha) to her daughter. This is later passed on to the mother-in-law. Women sing songs when the couple comes out the next morning.

Send-off

The family of the bride prepares an elaborate meal for the groom's party. They also pack food for the bride's new home (Kattusadam). A relative accompanies the bride as a chaperone, to her matrimonial home and comes back with gifts from the groom's family.

Sadva pooja

In the groom's house the next day, the bride serves the first spoon of "payasam" to women assembled for a sadva pooja.

Sumangali Prarthanai

The ceremony that was held before the wedding at the bride's place now takes place at the groom's house. A number of married women are invited to a feast and they are given gifts- usually saris.

Maruvidu Varudal

At least three days after the wedding, the newly wed couple visits the bride's parents. It is a small private gathering. The bride's parents give gifts of clothes / jewellery to the bride and the groom.